…really isn’t very exciting.
It’s spring break so I thought I’d take a moment and reflect. But there’s not much to say. Kids. School. Rinse and repeat.
This grad school thing sucks up nearly all my time. A few times a week I have enough spare time to write 280ish characters on Twitter.
And it’s good. I thrive in the semi-structured environment of academia. But I’m also a little lost still. This semester is much better than the last one. There’s a lot of pressure and a lot of having no idea what I’m supposed to do or what I am doing. There’s never enough time for everyone and everything. Most days are a cross between a sprint and a slog trying to put out the fire in front of me. But I’ve also, bit by bit, started to find glimpses of a workable pace and scraps of confidence.
And I miss writing just to write, writing that doesn’t have to have a point, that doesn’t follow the rules. But there’s little time for this. Another semester is half over and all I have to show for it is a mountain of books and some unhealthy coping strategies. I don’t even have the energy to type up and post my reading logs here anymore. Too busy reading.
I guess that’s what makes Project Pursue a PhD interesting and challenging. If it was easy everyone would do it.
And then there’s the other stuff I don’t write about, the personal side of life I’m increasingly silent about, the slow processes of paperwork and visa applications, the kids who are old enough to want to keep their awkward adolescences private, the bitter political climate with it’s deeply personal injustices.
Sometimes I think about creating another space to write about these things, somewhere no one knows me, somewhere safe to tell all the truth. But then I don’t have time or energy left to do it.