you know i write lies

you know i write lies                        April 15, 2018
the airplanes fly right over my head
coming in to land
but you aren’t on any of them
so i don’t go to the airport

i have so little to write
because i have so much to say
but they are all words
growing mold and collecting dust
for they can only be whispered
to your heart in the dark
with my lips on your chest

and tonight my chest
is so tight with fears and tears
when i sneeze my ribs burn
but i don’t cry for you
and i wrote that i don’t care
(do i lie to myself
or only write what i wish was true?)

so much to write and so little to say
for how can i ever say
that i don’t care?
you will know i lie
you know i lie
to you all the time
for i am not really OK
as long as you are eight thousand miles away
and that airplane
circling, descending
might as well be empty
if you aren’t on it

i wonder
do you hold my paper in your hands?
i forget half what i wrote
and i never spelled your name
in english
and are you angry with me
that i began angry with you?
it was a small truth
but one you must know
to know me

About m

My ego wants to think I'm a writer but my heart knows I'm just another one of God's Kids who sometimes has words to say. 2 human kids and 3 feline kids call me Mom. Or Mooooooom. Or mewom, depending which you ask. I'm kinda-sorta busy being a student again; this time I signed myself up for a bizarre torture known as Graduate School. Theoretically in 4ish years I'll have earned some more nice letters to put with my name. Let's face it, I'm addicted to learning and probably need rehab to restore me to sanity and remove the obsession to read books. I don't remember what free time is but I think I like to spend it sleeping or playing in the mud on a river bank.
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