all saints sunday

all saints sunday                       November 6, 2016
i see the pictures you post
of your new life
with all its opulence and luxury
but you never sent
the woman in new mexico
word that you landed safely.

i go to church alone,
sitting with the widows.
they light candles for departed loves.
but i,
have no dead to mourn
for my love lives
with no thought of me.

i wish last night’s lightening
had robbed me of my longing.
but i am no saint
to rest with god today.
only the blue-eyed woman
cooking pinto beans
while the november wind
tosses wet leaves
and lost souls
against the base
of the sandias.

this grief makes me envy
the widows and their candles.
they may cry their own tears
but mine go ever unclaimed.
so god sends the thunderstorm
with rain thicker than lava
but colder than concrete.
what feeble solace
to imagine god cries the tears i will not.

in the months you have forgotten me
two men have asked for my hand to marry.
i sent them away.
one wanted my country
and the other my poverty.
both are parts of me
you won’t forgive.
none have wanted my poetry,
my silent modesty,
or my used library.

i play california dreamin’
and kathy’s song
for my empty house.
maybe i should make tea
and dream of india
but i am a creature of black coffee
and brown pinto beans
and roasted green chiles.

i know nothing
of the high-rise life
or the fame of your name.

i am only
new mexico
while you
are egypt
with your thousand years
of fathers.

i boil the water
but my kettle never sings
for the spout is broken
and i am forsaken
to love, to long
to be ever forgotten.

About m

My ego wants to think I'm a writer but my heart knows I'm just another one of God's Kids who sometimes has words to say. 2 human kids and 3 feline kids call me Mom. Or Mooooooom. Or mewom, depending which you ask. I'm kinda-sorta busy being a student again; this time I signed myself up for a bizarre torture known as Graduate School. Theoretically in 4ish years I'll have earned some more nice letters to put with my name. Let's face it, I'm addicted to learning and probably need rehab to restore me to sanity and remove the obsession to read books. I don't remember what free time is but I think I like to spend it sleeping or playing in the mud on a river bank.
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