but what i mean is

but what i mean is                            December 20, 2015
we haven’t spoken
since we had land-lines and dial-up
but your voice still feels like home
and soothes the ache
from my exile.

you ask what i am hiding from
but i don’t answer
because it is
my own fear and shame
i left.

is it that i still love you?
i never cried
when they tore me from you
and i never cried
when you did not wait for me
because i did not know how.

we tried once
to sleep together again
but i was high
and the commitment was broken.

but tonight
your voice is home
and i’m fifteen
when i answer the phone.
i say
–    merry christmas
and
–    sleep well
when we hang up
but what i mean is
–    i love you
and
–    sweet dreams.

About m

My ego wants to think I'm a writer but my heart knows I'm just another one of God's Kids who sometimes has words to say. 2 human kids and 3 feline kids call me Mom. Or Mooooooom. Or mewom, depending which you ask. I'm kinda-sorta busy being a student again; this time I signed myself up for a bizarre torture known as Graduate School. Theoretically in 4ish years I'll have earned some more nice letters to put with my name. Let's face it, I'm addicted to learning and probably need rehab to restore me to sanity and remove the obsession to read books. I don't remember what free time is but I think I like to spend it sleeping or playing in the mud on a river bank.
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