but what i mean is

but what i mean is                            December 20, 2015
we haven’t spoken
since we had land-lines and dial-up
but your voice still feels like home
and soothes the ache
from my exile.

you ask what i am hiding from
but i don’t answer
because it is
my own fear and shame
i left.

is it that i still love you?
i never cried
when they tore me from you
and i never cried
when you did not wait for me
because i did not know how.

we tried once
to sleep together again
but i was high
and the commitment was broken.

but tonight
your voice is home
and i’m fifteen
when i answer the phone.
i say
–    merry christmas
–    sleep well
when we hang up
but what i mean is
–    i love you
–    sweet dreams.


About m

My ego wants to think I'm a writer but my heart knows I'm just another one of God's Kids who sometimes has words to say. 2 human kids and 3 feline kids call me Mom. Or Mooooooom. Or mewom, depending which you ask. My most recent completed endeavor was finishing BA's in Religious Studies and American Studies. I don't remember what free time is but I think I like to spend it sleeping or playing in the mud on a river bank.
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