It’s Election Eve.
In 2+ years I’ve never been so tempted to drown my feelings in a bottle of liquid dope.
Whatever happens, it won’t be over tomorrow. Not when one candidate is threatening what amounts to treason and civil war if he loses. Not when if he wins there will be a massive backlash on minorities, women, civil liberties, human rights.
And everyone is showing signs of trauma and terror. Hurt and fear and anger hang in the air like chlorine gas.
I’m one of the lucky ones, really. I turn to friends far, far from here and they gently push me back towards strength and love and compassion. I had a crisis of religion and politics this weekend, I watched the profane marriage of a church with a political rally, and am so damn fortunate that I have friends of other faiths, other countries, who take my hand and put me back on my path. These are the people who speak truth to me, who heal the trauma.
My country is more fearful and tense, hateful and hurtful than I’ve ever seen it. We’ve turned all our pain and anger and fear and trauma on ourselves and each other. We’re the terrorists we fear today. We’re tearing ourselves apart, bombing and shooting our neighbors and friends. Last weekend I got my first death threats since I left PsychoStalker. My “friends” and their “friends” want to kill me. I had friends living mere miles from war zones worried about my safety. Thank God for friends like that, for the friends who call from 8 or 9 or 12 time-zones away to be sure I’m OK and offer to pray.
Remember when we shut down the entire US Postal Service out of fear that it might be used for mail-bombs and anthrax letters? I do. Al Queda didn’t have to do a danged thing to bring us to our knees – we did it to ourselves out of fear. We went belly up and surrendered to our feelings of terror.
I know it’s really, really hard to stand firm in compassion and love right now. I keep stepping the the stinking pile of sarcastic and snarky and tracking it around on my shoes. But if we surrender to the fear and anger, to the hate and bigotry then we are no better than those who would institute concentration camps, mass deportations, nuclear winter, lynchings, or the glorification of sexual assault.
When my kid comes home upset and angry with the kid at school who pick on him and screams that he hates her, I tell him that if he lets her make him hate then he has become a hater just like her and she has won. I tell him that he’s better than that, that it sucks to be picked on, that I know how he feels, but that he is not a hater, that it’s very sad for her that her life is so filled with hate and anger that she goes to school and hurts other kids.
I don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. And I am scared. And it is so easy to step off the edge into the abyss of pouring more hate onto the conflagration of my country.
So today I want to say this, that no matter what happens I stand with the weak, the powerless, the marginalized, the least of these. I stand with the blessed protectors in South Dakota. I stand with Muslims. I stand with Mexicans. I stand with African-Americans. I stand with my sisters. I stand with the bullied and taunted, with the lynched and fire-bombed, I stand with the raped and abused. And I want to tell you all something, you are beautiful, incredible people and I need you. My country needs you. We need you. You are the people who turn the ideologies of hate into composted manure that can grow the gardens of tomorrow. Thank you.