pieces of dreams May 26, 2016
over and over i dream about washing
about trying to hide from you
and scrub my shame from sight
in a shower with no curtain.
the spot of blood between my thighs
washed away with the water.
for you wish to keep me a secret
and i am shameful for you.
how could you call me your soul
mate yet lack the courage to claim me?
over and over i dream about trash
litter, pollution and hateful
old men who leave it.
i take a bath with a book
and when the water burns
i turn it a little hotter.
shame is hot.
i feel so cold
i swath myself in both a hat and a hood.
you think i am not brave enough
do you know the courage required
to bear the shame you ask me to wear?
of course i am shy
and like to hide
from those eyes
who want to uncover me
to erase me
mine is not a modesty
of culture. it is necessity for me.
how can you be my heart twin
if you are not proud to stand beside me
in the light where the world can see?
there are words i don’t know to write
about having my soul pass through fire
while i lived to tell the tale
for hell is a place in my heart
where i know what it means to be filthy
and have nothing but faith in God’s mercy
to sustain and restore me.
i tell you only pieces of dreams
i tell of the house
but not the open shower
not the exposed electric wires
i tell of loving with my eyes
and you knowing what i wish to say
but not how you looked away