It’s been one heck of a day here. First I saw someone had dumped used motor oil in my irrigation ditch:
To shorten that story I ended up calling the local Sheriff’s Office and filing a report. What’s particularly sad is that there are TWO places that take used oil for recycling just minutes from here. It clearly wasn’t an accident. Someone went to some effort to dump that there. They probably thought no one would notice. Or care. But I use the ditch bank for a traffic-free place to walk. And I care. It might be downstream of my water gate but it is upstream of several of my friends. And polluting just isn’t cool. Ever.
Then my ex posted this:
Yeah, that’s right. He’s not smart enough to think critically about MRA. Then again, he’s spent nearly his entire adult life living with his mother and/or spinster aunt. The shoe fits so maybe he might as well wear it? Besides, thinking is hard.
Actually, I’m impressed that I only used one sort-of bad word and stayed as civil as I did. This isn’t the first time he’s posted things along these lines. And he loved to make these kinds of arguments when we were married. Well, he loved to argue about anything and everything. It seemed to excite him. It became quite obvious that my feelings meant nothing to him. After enough of it I forgot that I had ever loved him. So when he threatened divorce and wanted to leave it wasn’t hard to let go. I gave him everything he wanted. Living room chairs. Kitchen supplies. My bed. It had all been mine to start with but I figured it was a small price to pay to have him gone at that point.
As if his posting this wasn’t upsetting enough, my kid has a Facebook account and sees everything he posts so I had to have a talk with my kids about this. Not fun. They have the critical thinking skills to understand the many points wrong with this. I’ll not grace it with a link but you’re welcome to Google it and see the video for yourself. I’m a big fan of seeing for one’s self and taking a few minutes to actually understand media. So I watched the entire painful movie. The girl might be a little strange but she did nothing wrong and was assaulted and arrested for it. Furthermore, her request to talk to his supervisor and desire to be in a populated area and ask for help are quite legitimate. Women are routinely advised by police departments to take these steps. So I also had to explain to my kids that police officers are here to help, that if they are in danger they don’t need to fear the police, that not all cops are like that, but that it is recommended that women don’t ever pull over in an isolated area.
I was shaking when I wrote my reply. Usually when he posts these sorts of things I just keep on scrolling. Maybe I should say I was quivering with rage. Shaking doesn’t begin to cut it. This is another level of unconscionable. There are so many things wrong with it I can’t even begin to unravel the knot of disgusting. And I fully expect him to try to come around and make some bogus claim that now I have attempted to alienate the kids from him. To which I can only reply that then he shouldn’t post this stuff where kids can see it.
So, here are a few facts, easily researched, on rape, sexual assault and molestation:
- Before the age of 18 it is estimated 1/4 girls and 1/7 boys will be molested. Most of these cases are not reported. Because kids are ashamed and disbelieved.
- In the US someone over the age of 12 is raped every 107 seconds. That’s more than one every 2 minutes. And that’s counting 12 year-olds. Kids under 12 aren’t counted.
- Of college-age women, 1/4 will be raped. Again, there is vast under reporting. Because victims are afraid no one will believe them, because police departments have (well deserved) reputations of mishandling rape cases, because rape exams are frightening and often humiliating, because we live in a culture where the victims are shamed and the perpetrators are supported.
- In many states penalties for rape are less than for possession of drugs, drunk driving, or robbery.
- False rape reports are more rare, or equally rare, than false reports for every other category of crime. How often are false robbery reports used to smear robbery victims?
- Most sexual crimes are committed by someone known to the victim. “Stranger rape” does happen. It just isn’t as common as rape by an intimate partner, authority figure, family member, friend, or acquaintance.
- There is no such thing as “non-consensual sex.” There’s sex and there’s rape. Period.
- Rape is not about attraction. It is about power, control, and domination.
- Criminal proceedings in rape cases are notoriously invasive and traumatizing for victims.
- Many police departments have backlogs of hundreds, in some cases thousands, of untested rape kits containing DNA evidence. Some estimates are 400,000 untested kits and tens of thousands or free rapists. Any man worried about false accusations would to well to encourage better funding of forensic labs and faster processing in evidence rooms.
- Men are raped, too. When they are and wish to report it, a rape crisis center, courtesy of feminists, will be there for them. Men’s Rights Activists will bully and humiliate them further.
Whew. OK. Nothing like dealing in cool, calm numbers to soothe my anger. I’m still angry. I will be angry as long as I live in a world where critical thinking is harder to find than unicorns and gender based violence is normalized. I will be angry so long as mothers have to teach our daughters to live in fear and always be aware of threats. I will be angry so long as people tell our little boys to “be men.” I will be angry so long women die will men play devil’s advocate.
Now, let’s stop a minute and think about why a man would post something so hideous in the first place. What does it do for him to make this part of his social media platform and image? He’s placed himself strongly anti-feminist. I never could understand. He would claim that he was playing devil’s advocate or trying to be “fair and balanced,” or to “understand the other side.” So, why does anyone want to understand the side of a rapist? Why does anyone want to make it less likely that women will report rape?