eat dirt

eat dirt
i do not play with you.
you are not a toy
but a treasure.
you may have been
exposed to acid
and left abandoned
but i see gold
under the etching.

this is not a game
we win by beating each other.
it will kill us both
burned alive
if we do not
learn how to love.
you will die by your own hands
when you drive the stake through my heart.

listen, listen well
don’t consign us to that hell
where i call for you in my dreams
and every face you see
reminds you of me.

all these years i have cried for you
suffered alone and needed you
the bitterest moments
when bliss broke through the pain
and i had no one
to dance with.

giving birth to a baby
loved only by God
alone and scared and cold
broke me.
but God loves that child
and so i have found
the kingdom
in my own death
trusted to sing him
to sleep and to love him.

you do not know
how lonely God is
when He is pleased.
and you do not know
how it is
to watch your own child
slip toward death.

God is a good mother
to let Her Son
die in saving
the rest of her brood.

you to not know
watching one child,
flesh of your flesh,
step in to save the other,
blood of your blood.
my words
cannot make it real.

we are all
children of God
but knowing God
means learning
to love most
when it is hardest
and to want
to have a partner
in bliss.

you are wise
and damned by your wisdom.

what does it mean
to love yourself
if you will not give yourself?
—-vanity and greed.

anyone can love when it is fun
only the brave love when it is hard.
anyone can love when it is easy
only the broken can love when it is pain.

God loves recklessly, foolishly, insanely.

every crack is an opening
where She can flow through.
the girl left to die
birthing alone while winter howls
a baby who looks like his father
and no one brings her water
living only on miracles and air.
every bruise is a place
the light shines through
her body smashed
her heart shattered.
her love
is worth something.

the selfish man
with scratches around the eyes
he considered gouging
his love
is small
and dark.

it is hard
to be thankful
when you are unkind
and cruel,
when you take my heart
and use it
to justify
leaving me.
it is hard
to appreciate
having salt
rubbed in my wounds,
acid poured in my eyes.
it is hard
to keep reaching
for you
when you
turn away
refuse to look,
up from your navel.
i need a friend
and have a pharisee
but perhaps
it is my job
to die in the dust.
i love watching
my blood
inch toward
your clean feet.
you dance
a merry jig
avoiding me.
i will give
every drop
to know
you have been
washed clean
of your purity
and theoretical piety.

God is not in books.
you won’t find Her in the Bible
or the most sacred poetry.
you can know theology
and think about love
and morality and mercy
you can welcome the people at church
and give rides to homeless hippies
you can serve meals
and sing beautiful hymns;
She calls you on the telephone
and you only sigh angry at the interruption.
She wraps her arms around your chest
and you hurry to be away.

do not
even think about yourself
if you would know God.
He will give you wings
when you leap
thinking only of love.

i see Him
struggling to get out of you
be less determined
to glue your cracks.
and She
will flow through you.
those cracks
are beautiful.
bend your neck
under a heavy burden
you love enough
to carry forever
and He
will give strength.
fall to your knees
in shame
eat dirt
and She
will plant seeds
growing wisdom and sight.
His broom
is big enough
to sweep any mess
but too big
to push alone.

About m

My ego wants to think I'm a writer but my heart knows I'm just another one of God's Kids who sometimes has words to say. 2 human kids and 3 feline kids call me Mom. Or Mooooooom. Or mewom, depending which you ask. I'm kinda-sorta busy being a student again; this time I signed myself up for a bizarre torture known as Graduate School. Theoretically in 4ish years I'll have earned some more nice letters to put with my name. Let's face it, I'm addicted to learning and probably need rehab to restore me to sanity and remove the obsession to read books. I don't remember what free time is but I think I like to spend it sleeping or playing in the mud on a river bank.
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