the astrologists say
i will love a scorpion
and you are the only
stinger beset soul
i have ever held or kissed
close to you i feel it is where i belong
yet i have a lover already
who i cannot leave
and in loving the worlds best two men
my heart is not unhappy
yet my soul craves only one
An old one from the slush pile. I’ve been working on a paper for school and don’t have the energy to write a “real” post tonight. So here’s something pre-made for your entertainment.
Maybe I had turned eighteen already when writing these words. It would have been sometime around my birthday. That was a first kiss I shall never forget.
I’ve had a lot of first kisses. Most of them never came with second kisses. I find the assumption that dating someone means having sex with them rather silly. Which isn’t to say I didn’t also have a few that went well beyond a kiss, just that the two aren’t necessarily tied.
It took me a long time to realize that that particular kisser only wanted to kiss me when I was already taken and that when I was free he always managed to disappear. Can anyone say control and commitment issues? I was a fantasy and not a future to him. An object and not a subject. Always a subordinate and never a partner.
I don’t really believe in astrology, anyways. It does make for some interesting symbols and metaphors, an access point to various myths and archetypes. But actually having much (or any) impact on our lives? Meh, not so much. It just plays into our desire to predict the future rather than willingness to accept it.
I’m a tad too tired and brain dead to say anything serious tonight. I love school and having a direction but I am still very much living in my liminal both/and world and the energy of writing both academic work and my usual blog and social media habits have drained me a bit. It’s a good night for a hot bath.