They warned me this would happen. Those irritating old-timers I’ve been hanging with after meetings. They’ve robbed me of my misery. It’s been sneaking up on me like a spider in the dark. I didn’t even feel the bite or the venom.
Life’s no picnic. I still have all the challenges of single-mothering. I’m still struggling with the rifts I made in my family in following my soul and tagging along behind a long-haired homeless guy from the wrong side of the world. I could sure do with a bit more emotional support and affection, this new life is lonely and hard. Apparently I’ve even managed to offend followers here and friends on Facebook. I must be doing something right.
I have plenty of work cut out for myself. Progress and baby-steps. I have some tough times coming up to get through and some hard choices to make soon.
No one outside meetings has asked me “how are you?” for longer than I can remember. So I ask myself, “how are you?” And I really mean it when I ask anyone this question. Go on and tell me about your annoying medical problems or difficult boss or broken car. I care. And today I answered this question with “happy, joyous, and free!”
I didn’t believe myself at first. It took all morning to be really sure I was telling the truth. It’s like when I had my first really rotten great days. Only way cooler.
And I’ve rediscovered something. Miserable people hate being exposed to happy, joyous or free. Misery loves company. Calmly and assertively stating what I think or how I feel or asking for what I want pisses people off. I spent all these years getting tricked into thinking I was wrong, guilty, and undeserving. Not any more. I remember a girl, long ago, who knew that game. She’s finally woke from her nightmare and is ready to dance again. No, my thinking is well informed, compassionate and sponge-like in my endless thirst for new learning. My sense of right and wrong is well balanced, my heart is valuable and shouldn’t be kicked around. I am not responsible for anyone’s hurtful actions and am totally right to speak up. And despite what manipulative or aggressive people try to say kindly asking is the ONLY mature way to go about getting what you want. My head is happy. My heart is joyous. My tongue is free.
I am blessed. And grateful. I am an unemployed single mother in a town going bust with lay-offs. I’ve been rejected and neglected by everyone I thought I could count on just six months ago. I am blessed. And grateful.