headline

headline
i’m tired — exhausted — strung out on rage
i wish i could think clearly
i’m sick — abused — toxic — the trash in a spider’s web
distracting the soundtrack repeats inside my head

i wish i could think clearly
they think i have ideals to crush
distracting the soundtrack repeats inside my head
imaging violence — yes with my tiny, feminine fingers

they think i have ideals to crush
i am tired — exhausted — strung out on rage
imagining violence — yes with my tiny, feminine fingers
“the first woman to kill so brutally”

i am tired — exhausted — strung out on rage
i see the headline (bold 96pt)
“the first woman to kill so brutally”
terrorist style, military precision, genius planning

i see the headline (will they spell my name right?)
— i begin no attacks but defend to my death —
terrorist style, military precision, genius planning
this is anger: my night’s orgasmic fantasies are explosions

— i begin no attacks but defend to my death —
i am tired — exhausted — strung out on rage
this is anger: my night’s orgasmic fantasies are explosions
i long to think of my loves — distracted

i am tired — exhausted — strung out on rage
this feels like living in an arcade game
i long to think of my loves — distracted
death in this game is death in life

this feels like living in an arcade game
i just want to make love
death in this game is death in life
i cannot even focus on love

i just want to make love
mid-afternoon and the sun is already setting
i cannot even focus on love
i’m tired — exhausted — strung out on rage

mid-afternoon and the sun is already setting
i’m sick — abused — toxic — the trash in a spider’s web
i’m tired — exhausted — strung out on rage
and they think i have ideals to crush


How do I react to anger, to pressure, stress, exhaustion?  I write about it.  It often makes for pathetic poetry but it is cathartic and a much healthier alternative than repressing it or taking it out on other people.  Anger is healthy, it’s a clue there is something that needs addressed.  But hurting people out of anger is not.  Stress, too, is a clue to evaluate and make changes.  But swallowing it and being eaten up by it will only increase it’s power to harm and make for poor reasoning and bad reactions.  I never did act on any of these crazy fantasies and I never will.  I’m a peace loving Jesus freak and believe strongly that violence is always wrong in any form.  But I still have ordinary real human emotions and a need to acknowledge and validate them, to express and productively channel them.  I think I’ll keep writing.

About m

My ego wants to think I'm a writer but my heart knows I'm just another one of God's Kids who sometimes has words to say. 2 human kids and 3 feline kids call me Mom. Or Mooooooom. Or mewom, depending which you ask. I'm kinda-sorta busy being a student again; this time I signed myself up for a bizarre torture known as Graduate School. Theoretically in 4ish years I'll have earned some more nice letters to put with my name. Let's face it, I'm addicted to learning and probably need rehab to restore me to sanity and remove the obsession to read books. I don't remember what free time is but I think I like to spend it sleeping or playing in the mud on a river bank.
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