His alone

His alone
he loves to hate me
and hates that he loves me
it is the mystery
that draws him
a compass to the pole
he cannot understand
how my faith in life and love
remains pure and optimistic
despite my cynical awareness
of living through life’s worst
‘tis faith and hope not mine own
but His alone

Even I am not really sure how it is that despite getting dealt a shitty hand I keep playing and still love the game.  I’m not nearly as optimistic as I sometimes appear.  No, fear and hopelessness are always right there waiting for me.  I’ve had more than one dark night cursing God and desperately wishing for a different life.

I’ve heard that the cracks where we’ve been broken can either become hard and ugly with scars or the openings where God gets in and then shines out.  I hope this is me.  I would rather turn the torments I have endured into love and empathy than anger and bitterness.

I fail and fall down a lot.  But resilience ought to be my middle name.  Letting that fear and hopelessness rule me is letting darkness win.  Sometimes healing, moving from being a victim of circumstance to a survivor is hard.  I have to make the choice everyday to turn my will and my life to the care of God.  The miracle is that I get courage and hope and renewed faith every time.


About m

My ego wants to think I'm a writer but my heart knows I'm just another one of God's Kids who sometimes has words to say. 2 human kids and 3 feline kids call me Mom. Or Mooooooom. Or mewom, depending which you ask. I'm kinda-sorta busy being a student again; this time I signed myself up for a bizarre torture known as Graduate School. Theoretically in 4ish years I'll have earned some more nice letters to put with my name. Let's face it, I'm addicted to learning and probably need rehab to restore me to sanity and remove the obsession to read books. I don't remember what free time is but I think I like to spend it sleeping or playing in the mud on a river bank.
This entry was posted in creative writing, God, love, poem, poetry, recovery and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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