Ten years ago today BF and I made love for the first time.
I was sixteen and had already had 2 sexual relationships and a 1 night stand. He was 21 and a virgin.
In the last 10 years I’ve dated widely, slept with a (small) handfull of men and had 2 children. He’s still been with only me. That’s right, I’m with a man who truely only wants me.
Back then we were both deeply in pain from broken hearts. We tried to bandage ourselves with each other, with drugs, with anything to numb the agony. We tried to make each other and our relationship into something it could never be: the loves we grieved for. We were the epitome of broken and co-dependent. We were selfish and angry, bleeding and desperate.
And today we are in love with each other. We have faced our demons, put ourselves back together. We have faced mortality and found maturity. We have enough confidence in ourselves to give love and receive it.
And yes, to give the answer everyone’s been waiting for, my self-control has cracked and we could not wait any longer. It’s not like we’d never done it before, after all. And yes, he’s even better than I remembered…. but I’ll not go into the steamy details.
I am having trouble getting my mind around the idea that here I am, with this man, 10 years later. Granted, we spent much of that 10 years apart. But we have also wondered together just how things would have been if only if….
Whatever lies in our past we have a now which is lovely and a future which looks to be even better. I see us in another 10 years, still happy to spend a few minutes on Saturday morning snuggled up in bed while the kids watch cartoons. Sigh.