Yes, it really has been over a week sense my last post. Sigh. I miss being here, miss the catharsis of writing just to write a bit.
It has been one long, crazy week. I got sick (again). My kids got sick (again). I’m trying to get 70 hours of work accomplished in 45. It’s good to be busy but I know I can’t keep that pace for much longer. My garden’s gone crazy with summer beginning to end. I’ve barely had time to discover that I’ve got no internet most nights. I went to a great little party next door last night. I’m trying to clean up the crap my ex-housemate left. I’ve started moving into the empty room but have been too busy to make it really useable yet. A branch came half way off the willow tree and landed right on the kids’ little slide. One of my cats spent 24 hours vomiting all over the house. I’ve been too sick to breath well enough to go for a run and I need the movement. Grandma’s out of town all this week so I won’t be able to go till next week. Hopefully I’ll still remember my locker combo by then.
I’ve been re-evaluating my wait untill marriage stance with Potential. I’d rather be over prepared than under prepared so I’ve used 3 lunch breaks making calls related to getting an IUD. I want really relaible birth controll with no chance for human error. I have learned from experience… condoms can break (and they have to be used perfectly every time) and pills are easy to forget in the mad dash that my life is. I don’t want to do anything rash, anything I’m likely to regret. I do think that having started with an “I’m waiting” approach has been really good for our relationship, that it helped us to be able to communicate better about the whole topic, to set boundries and use our brains rather than just our bodies.
He’s at home tonight, and I am surprised by how much I miss him. I have a triple case of the it’s the end of the weekend and my feet really hurt whines. And his hands aren’t here to help. And I don’t want to wash dishes by myself. I’ve always been so independent and sure of doing things on my own. But he and I have a surprisingly natural way of working together. I even let him come to the store with us. And somehow it feels like we’ve always been together and always will be.
The only problem is that I am cursed with a history wich tends to leave me a little insecure. I know it’s not Potential’s fault that other men have burned me. But I still find myself being silly with insecurity. I’m terrified to be so close to someone, to know that the more I care about him, the more I love him, the more he could hurt me.
Sigh… I’m sure no one really wanted to read all of this mushy crap.