The Topic I Don’t Talk About Enough

One of my intents with this blog was to discuss dating violence & abuse.  It’s incredibly hard to talk about.  While I’ve been out of the relationship a full 5 years now and have managed to heal the wounds but the scars never go away.

I found this article a few days ago.  I had just turned 20 when I got involved with Psycho Stalker.  In a matter of months he has slowly but steadily worked is way into having controll over everything in my life.  When I got pregnant with PB I was nearly a prisoner.  We lived far out of town.  All “our” money was “his”.  My car hadn’t had a tank of gas for months.  The only times I wasn’t under his eye was when I took the clothes in to the laundry mat.  And that only happened every few weeks.  He’d lock the cell phone key pad to make sure I never called any one.  He worked next door and came home every half hour to check on me.

It all started innocently enough, there was always a “good reason” for doing things his way.  And I still can’t really explain it all.

But here I am, 5 years later, with a little boy who wants to know more about his family.  I don’t want to lie to him but I also don’t want to tell him the truth.  He doesn’t need to know that his DNA came from a man who thought his gun was the solution to every thing, who would pound a puupy’s head against the sidewalk, who would lie and cheat and steal, threaten and fight and hit.

PB has a father in Europe, a half brother and half sister several years older than him, and atleast one half brother a few years younger.  He knows that they exist somewhere far away.  So far he hasn’t wanted any more information.  Which is good, because I haven’t yet thought of how to say anything nice, and I don’t want to say anything mean that will mean my innocent child questioning if he’s part bad too.

This is still hard for me to deal with.

J’s dad might be something of a looser but he’s not going to hurt any one on purpose.  We see him nearly every week (but this weekend she was such a miserable grouch with teething that we kept a low profile and I canceled on him just to avoid what was sure to be a trip to the playground to forget).  And I can atleast tell her the truth (all but that part about how he wanted her aborted) and let her see him and know that he is real and human.  He atleast seems to try (sometimes) and (as far as I know) hasn’t left a trail of abused children and shell-shocked mothers in his wake.

Which is what Psycho Stalker did.  he told me his ex was crazy, that she was frigid and a drunk.  But after I left him and started thinking about it I realized that every bit of it was a lie.  That she had been driven crazy by him.  And I’m sure he said the same shit about me to his next girlfriend.  And that like me she bought every bit of it, up to the day his cover was blown and she had to face the reality of the monster he kept under the nice-guy mask.

Does anyone know how to explain a mess like this to a four year old?  How to tell him the truth without hurting him?

About m

My ego wants to think I'm a writer but my heart knows I'm just another one of God's Kids who sometimes has words to say. 2 human kids and 3 feline kids call me Mom. Or Mooooooom. Or mewom, depending which you ask. I'm kinda-sorta busy being a student again; this time I signed myself up for a bizarre torture known as Graduate School. Theoretically in 4ish years I'll have earned some more nice letters to put with my name. Let's face it, I'm addicted to learning and probably need rehab to restore me to sanity and remove the obsession to read books. I don't remember what free time is but I think I like to spend it sleeping or playing in the mud on a river bank.
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