Today is May 1st, but you knew that already.
On this day, 2 years ago, my daughter was concieved. That same day one of my school friends killed himself. I almost named her for him instead of my Grandmothers.
I heard on the BBC World news this morning that people around the world are protesting in the streets.
Long, long ago my European ancestors celebrated Beltane on May 1st.
When I was a kid I’d pick “wild flowers” (weeds) and make little paper baskets to take them to the neighbors in for May Day.
Today I will work, go to Wallmart, get the kids from school, get PB packed up to spend the night at Grandma’s, make dinner, water my garden, put J to bed, and then get on line to see of Faraway Friend wants to chat. Maybe I’ll have a beer, probably it will just put me to sleep.
It is oddly grey today. The smog is thick and heavy. I miss the clean mountain air. I want to go home, back to my little valley with the river and aspen trees, my heart aches for Colorado. Someday.
This homesickness is becoming more and more of a theme. When I was running from Psycho Stalker it wasn’t so bad, I had a reason to stay away. Now that he is gone I think more and more about going home. Alas, here is where my job is, my extended family, my new friends. But I still can’t shake the feeling that I don’t really belong here, that I should be back in the embrace of my beloved mountains.
Annie Dillard writes in Pilgrim at Tinker Creek that (I may not remember this quote quite right) “a river can hold your heart but only a mountain can hold your soul.” It’s been years since I read that but it still sticks in my mind.